


When Assholes Flock Together

by Clint_Freaking_Barton



Series: Of Broken Toys and Dead Hopes [1]
Category: Avengers, Iron Man - Fandom, Marvel
Genre: Alcoholism, And An Overdose Of Cuteness, And Smutty Fluff As Well, And blowjobs, Angst, BASICALLY JUST LOADS OF SEX, Breakups, Car Sex, Clint Angst, Clint is a five year old puppy, ClintTony is lufr, Death, F/F, F/M, Hints of Pepperoni, Lots of Angst, M/M, Makeup Sex, Makeups, Natasha is one scary woman, PTSD, Protective Clint, Protective Tony, Shower Sex, They meet and it's honestly scary, Tony Angst, Tony dies, Torture, Workshop sex, a little bit of humour in tgere, and Tony's just a five year old BRAT, no joke, not really a character death, not really but he comes close a few times, not really but they act like it, so is pepper, story gets progressively darker as it goes on, tge avengers are children, the author likes torturing characters, the author was sleep deprived
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-06
Updated: 2015-12-06
Packaged: 2018-05-05 03:09:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,092
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5358896
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Clint_Freaking_Barton/pseuds/Clint_Freaking_Barton
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was all Loki's fault, Tony thought dazedly as he woke up once again in Clint's bed. If that Random Eggy Lady hadn't been Loki (if all people!)'s girlfriend, then maybe none of this would have happened. Maybe, if the Random Eggy Lady had kept her fucking unwanted opinions to herself, Loki wouldn't of found out. </p>
<p>Not that he was saying he wasn't enjoying this, whatever this was. He most certainly was. </p>
<p>Assholes flock together, after all. </p>
<p>Or, how Tony and Clint have one too many arguments in public, Natasha and Pepper are two scary motherfuckers, and how Loki is a matchmaker from Hell.</p>
            </blockquote>





	When Assholes Flock Together

**Author's Note:**

  * For [AvengerPlushiesForever](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AvengerPlushiesForever/gifts), [AvengerPlushiesForever](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AvengerPlushiesForever/gifts), [AvengerPlushiesForever](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AvengerPlushiesForever/gifts), [AvengerPlushiesForever](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AvengerPlushiesForever/gifts), [AvengerPlushiesForever](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AvengerPlushiesForever/gifts), [AvengerPlushiesForever](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AvengerPlushiesForever/gifts), [AvengerPlushiesForever](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AvengerPlushiesForever/gifts).



"Really? That's the emergency, really? A Fucking cat up a tree? What the hell Barton?"

These were Tony Stark's first words as he landed and saw the small, rather fat ginger cat above him. Barton even had the audacity to grin at him. Barton, grinning like he hadn't just woken him up at eight in the morning to get a damn cat from a tree!

"Morning," was all Barton said in reply. Tony glared at him.

"Good fucking morning to you too, mister I can do whatever the fuck I want including waking you up at dawn for the past ten days this time to rescue a cat from a tree cause I'm an asshole!" Tony seethed. "I hope you actually have another reason for this, I'm an Avenger, not Cat Saver Of The Year."

Barton considered him from his nest in the tree - honestly, he took that Hawkeye thing too far. "Nope," he said nonchalantly, cleaning an arrow on a spare piece of fabric. "Just the cat."

"Just the cat?" Tony questioned delicately.

"Just the cat." Barton confirmed.

"Just. The. Cat."

"What, are you deaf or something? Do you want me to repeat that in Russian or something for you oh high master?" Clint demanded, hanging from the tree with his legs.

Tony took a step closer, Iron Man head disabling and sliding off him. Then he stopped, and scratched his neck in embarrassment.

"I can't speak Russian."

Clint raised an eyebrow.

"How about French?"

"I can't-"

"Or German?"

"Barton, I-"

"Maybe Spanish."

"Clint-" "Oh, I know! Polish!" "BARTON," Tony yelled at the top of his voice. "I AM NOT MENTALLY OR PHYSICALLY CAPABLE OF KNOWING ANOTHER LANGUAGE. I ONLY KNOW ENGLISH."

Barton stopped, and stared at him with just enough scrutiny for Tony to feel nervous. Then-

"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA"

**_ Get a room! _ **

"Shut up Barton!" Tony snapped, flushing. Barton sobered, looking at him from his upside down position on the tree.

"You're being serious?" He asked. "Tony Stark honestly can't speak another language? I have to admit, that one surprised me."ted to her."

"There's a lot you don't know about me," Tony informed the other, 'accidentally' getting closer. Barton smiled, a sort of crooked, half smile that did strange and happy things to a bundle in Tony's stomach.

"I guess I'll just have to find out, won't I?" GET A ROOM! Tony leaned even nearer. He could feel Barton's warm mint breath on his face. He swallowed.

**_ GET A ROOM!!!  _ **

Barton gave another one of those smiles.

" _ **GET A FUCKING ROOM ALREADY!**_ "

Something hard and gooey hit Tony on the back of the head. The two men jumped apart, going red. Not twenty feet away stood a woman in a blue jumper holding another missile, looking furious.

"You two!" She screeched, flinging the missile (an egg) at them. This time it hit Barton in the face, and Tony had to stop himself from sniggering at the disgusted look on the archer's face. "Waking me up every morning just to hear you two arguing! Nobody else wants to hear you flirting with each other or your sexual tension! Do us all a favour and go shag each other! Ugh!" She snapped, stomping away. "Superheroes, honestly."

Tony blinked dumbly until the woman was out of the earshot. He then turned to Barton, who was lookingjust as shocked.

"Did she just-" he began, then cut himself off. "Were we just-"

"I think we were."

"To get a room?"

"God."

"Never speak of this again."

"I'm counting on it."

Tony shook his head trying to clear it. "Well, I'm up for scotch. You coming?"

Barton looked disapproving.

"It's not even noon yet, Stark!" He exclaimed.

"After the crazy lady- I think I'm entitled."

Barton sighed.

"Fine. But I have to get back to base. I actually have an important job to do."

"And what's that?"

"Coffee calls." Barton simply said, and before Tony could say anything else, Clint was gone.

The genius stood for a moment, trying to process the events that had just taken place. Unable to do so, he decided to chalk it up to a bad day and get wasted. He got back in the suit, and flew away.

\-----

Clint got back to his room SHIELD Headquarters, and sat down on his small bed, stunned. Was he really just told to have sex with Stark to get rid of sexual tension? Natasha came in, and, sensing something was wrong, asked him about it. "What's wrong Barton?"

"I-" Clint's voice was suddenly very dry. "He - Stark - Lady-"

Natasha looked confused.

"Stark? I didn't know it was possible for him to get up at eight on a Sunday!"

"Egged- Lady said - sexual tension-" "You're not making any sense."

Natasha cut in. "Start at the beginning, Clint."

So Clint did, telling her how for the past week he'd been pranking Stark by waking him up at eight for an 'Avengers Crisis', which was usually something like he had ran out of milk, or that he couldn't find his favourite top. Natasha listened incredulously as the archer told her about the Crazy Blue Lady hit them both with eggs and told them to get a room and have sex.

Finally she let out a breath. "Well, it's nice to know I'm not the only one who notices some things."

Clint spluttered, aghast. "What?"

"You heard me," Natasha replied. "You and Stark obviously harbour crushes on each other. It's clear to see. You've been driving me insane for the past six weeks with your flirting and testosterone!"

Clint gaped at her, feeling betrayed. "Nat!" "Oh come on!" She snapped. "I was his PA for a good while, I've picked up on his mannerisms and flirting habits. He was subconsciously flirting with you, and you know it."

"Okay, so say he was," Clint said. "Imagine, just for a minute, that he was interested in me. What's to say I feel the same way?"

Natasha actually dared to sigh at him. Sigh!

"Oh Barton," she shook her head. "You really are hopeless. I've been your friend since we were just adults. Do you really think I don't know when you like someone?"

Clint's mouth opened, and then closed. Nat had a point, she really did.

"But Tony's with Pepper," he mumbled. 

"That's a problem, I admit that," Natasha sighed, thinking furiously. "I don't know how to help you with that. Tony's clearly devoted to her."

Suddenly Clint developed a very evil look in his eye.

"Just coz I can't have him doesn't mean I can't have some fun..."

**Author's Note:**

> Oh no… Poor Tony… I wonder what Clint's got planned? Next chapter update will be in two days time. 
> 
> Carry On My Wayward Children,
> 
> Clint xxx


End file.
